Funny Girl
There was a little girl that I taught with chubby cheeks and a bubbly demeanor. She was the lucky trickster of my school. When I would face the class she would be sitting on the desk, or in a surprised neighbor’s lap, she was a handful but made everyone smile. She was always popping out of strange places to surprise the teacher; no one ever knew where she was hiding. Recently she popped out of my memory, I was painting and suddenly there she was, on my canvass. So I’m sharing her with you, I’m sure she’ll make you smile too.
Hidden, not Extinct 
The dinosaurs got scared after the big impact, so they hid in plane sight where no one noticed them until now. Scientists now think that dinosaurs are hiding within many different species. This dinosaur was discovered during a project to x-ray a herd of elephants. Previously scientists thought all the dinosaurs were extinct. So gussy up your resume you wayward paleontologists, your pink slips have arrived. Jurassic Park has it all wrong; dinosaurs don’t look mean and menacing; they look like dogs, gophers and yes even elephants. Certain fringe scientists have even hypothesized that there are dinosaurs dressed as humans, but hey now that’s just silly talk.
Engine Mayhem
You walk into a mechanic’s shop and the mechanics ready their fictitious diagnostics, drooling over the three page bill you’re going to receive. No more; why should you get stuck without money for beer and those Prada sunglasses just because you don’t know the difference between a gasket and an alternator. Now you can walk into the mechanic’s shop and point to the engine on your chest*. Since it’s a combination of ten engines the mechanic won’t know what you’re talking about, but he’ll think you’re in the know. After he gives you the secret sign he’ll twist a knob free of charge and you’ll be off to the beer with money in your pocket all because of your trusty shirt.
*Be sure your problem is engine related before pointing to the shirt, if you have break problems you’ll be caught out.
Car(pet) Bombing
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Within countries blessed by great historic traditions new things from far away have slunk in and pushed out the old. Their culture wasn’t rotting, and it didn’t float away with tsunamis or typhoons. Rice from the USA now dominates local varieties thousands of years old. Consumer goods from developed nations have declared war on the traditional ways of life across the globe. Cultural warfare is the warfare of peace time. Everyone to the barricades.
Uglies 
Ugly dogs are so fun to watch. Cute little puppies are fine, but lack the character of wrinkles, big noses and crooked faces. Yet you can’t stare at beautifully challenged dogs, they’ll develop a complex or figure they have something between their teeth. So, despite how interesting it is to stare at uglies, you still have to follow you mom’s advice and keep your eyes to yourself. To satisfy your need to stare here are 95 ugly faces. Hopefully they can keep your attention whenever you see the neighbor‘s dog that he seems to think so beautiful.
Atlantis Found
Atlantis has been the stuff of legends since Plato's Dialogues presented its existence to the world. Scholars and weirdoes have been looking for it since then with little in the way of luck. Now, for a limited time, I can provide you with the precise location of the lost island so you can ready a group of scoundrels and set off on an adventure for treasure and fame. Think about how your life could be like those of Hollywood action movies, with you as the star. Now you have the map, and you didn't have to kill a one legged eye patch wearing pirate to get it. Arrgh!
Rush-hour Dream 
As you look out the window from work it seems like the whole world is between you and home. Cars stretch off into the distance just waiting to box you in and turn your knuckles white on the steering wheel. Wouldn't it have been better to take the bus and relax while someone else drives? Even better than the bus would be to take the yacht home while the captain manoeuvres amongst the traffic. You could relax with a cocktail, or help with the fore-sail and jib. Well dream on buddy, ride the bus.
Castle
This is a Japanese castle. Hey, here’s a game for you, can you spot the ninja? Ha ha, made you look.
LOO 
What happens when Bond’s famous number gets the spins? How does that guy still look so damn suave when he’s doing nature’s dirtiest job. Oh, James. Oh James indeed!
Animal Eye Chart
When getting my eyes tested I feel like a bit of a knuckle head, rambling of letters from the eye chart it's as if I’d just mastered them and finally passed first grade. A E L S T Z or is that zed? So here’s an eye chart with animals instead. Now you’ll feel even more daft when you can’t remember what that critter between the skunk and the crow is called.
Target Family 
Families are targeted by everything from marketing campaigning to violence in today's world. So much so that this family gave up any pretense of being human and just morphed into targets. Go with the flow I guess. Now all they have to worry about is getting ripped.
Future Bathroom
So you didn’t like ancient Rome? How about using your new time machine to visit the future. You can see how far we’ve come since Roman times. Here you can take a pee on the one hundred and fifty second floor of a building down town. Now that’s progress!
Toilet Samurai 
When I think about samurai I think of invincible manly men and perfect ladies with everything on line in the name of pride. Fighting wars and ruling domains are the prerogative of samurai. Alas their shit smelt like everybody else's and they had to use the facilities before making bloody war. This samurai luckily has the luxury of using modern facilities, no squatting for him!
Teru Teru Bozu 
Japanese children hang little dolls by their necks from trees on days when they wish for clear skies. You don’t want to imagine what they do when they get angry! This particular Teru Teru Bozu isn’t all that concerned with his job; he’s eating a cookie and enjoying the rain. Not the stereotypical Japanese salary man you might think, and you’d be right. This little guy is a bad rain spirit. Bad boy.
Rome
This is Rome as it might have looked on a sweltering day in, oh, let’s say 43 AD. You might notice that there are no signs advertising fast food chains dotting the sky. Now do you still want to try out your neighbor’s time machine?
Daruma Out Of His Shell 
Darumas are little good luck dolls known throughout Japan, and often bought the first week of the new year with the hope that their presence will help one's fate. The daruma has no body, hands or feet, it’s just a face in a big red shell. This daruma has gotten tired of the shell, which he lived in for years without air conditioning or a flush toilet. He’s moved out, put the old place up for sale, and decided to get himself a swinging new pad.
Fire Buckets
If your idea of a good time is to start fires then these little buckets might have a bone to pick with you. There job is to keep water at hand to stop bad little arsonists like you from burning everything down. Let the buckets live in peace and get some help with your fire problems. This public service announcement had been brought to you by the letter 
Criminal Cat
Every cat’s a bit of a petty criminal at heart; even the most lazy upset a drink now and again, or thieve one’s seat on the couch. I can’t tell you what dastardly crimes this specimen has committed, but I pulled his picture of the 6:00 bad news. There’s a reward for his capture because, just like a cat, he ran away when he found out they were on to him.
Paper Crane 
RETIRED
This little crane is a homonym game crane. It’s a paper crane you see, but not the bird you thought it should be.
Shogun Playing Card 
RETIRED
Never been a king in Japan you say? Alright, easily rectified with a little bit of tampering. I squiggled up the K a little and turned it into an S. Now you can play with your cards in the land of the rising sun. I present to you the most famous shogun of them all, on a playing card no less.
Mane-ki Beaver 
RETIRED
The Beaver long ago beckoned fur traders to this, the new world. Their little hides made the most darling hats for the fashionable noble gentlemen of London and Versai. I guess you could go so far as to say the beavers waved the Europeans over to colonies just like the Japanese cat does customers in Nihon. So this little good luck charm, while striking the possibly copyright pose of the Japanese money cat, is only at home holding the maple leaf. Alas, the leaf even says Canada in Japanese. Now isn't this a happy synthesis?
Cow Milk
RETIRED
MOO
{if you have any questions, please e-mail me.}
{you can buy shirts directly from me, but if you are far away contact me about sending them to you}
